Joy's Musings

2009-09-05T22:33:00.000-07:00

It is strange how social standards and morality evolves .It happens so gradually that you never realize how change has taken place unless it stares in your face .Once upon a time it was considered very crude and ill mannered to wash dirty linen in public and now people are being paid to do so in the garb of telling the truth .The rising TRP of these programmes show that people love watching the skeltons in other people's cupboards .I can understand the pleasure people take in watching the programme .There are two reasons ,one is being superior than thou and the other is plain and simple vouyerism ,the peeping tTom tendency .What I can not understand is what prompts people to come on such shows and bare their secrets?I suppose the lure of money is a great motivator .But than money at what cost ?Or may be the social change is the beginning of the acceptance of a person with all his faults and follies .May be the age of hypocrisy is over and people are learning to love unconditionally .Or maybe it is living at the moment is what counts now ,What happened in the past is gone and the future is not known so I am what Iam now .Love me or leave me !But than again is it so simple -loving as well as leaving ? I am totally confused .

2009-07-26T00:06:00.000-07:00

It is amazing to see a child grow and a great responsibility also .As someone once said all children are born genius ,they grow up to be mediocre. Well most of them any way .Most never realize their full potential as they had never got the opportunities to do so .A baby as young as few weeks learns to use his five senses .He learns the touch of his mother,s breast ,the sound of her voice and the warmth of a cuddle .As he grows older he learns to distinguish different voices ,different touches and also his own body .He is fascinated by his own hands ,palms .fingers and feet .At this stage it is very necessary to provide him with different stimulations .He should be encouraged to see ,touch and feel different textures and things and enjoy it also .The process of learning has to be interesting and not forced. The other important thing is to help a child grow into a happy one .Of course children are born with some traits but nurture is as much as if not more important than nature .Many a times one has to keep aside our own problems ,prejudices and egos for the sake of the child .To bring up a happy ,trusting ,friendly and outgoing child one has make a lot of adjustments in one,s own nature .There are sorrows and heartbreaks one has to hide so as to provide the child a happy home full of laughter and fun .This often is easier said than done because an adult who has not had the benefit of a happy childhood or has been raised in a prejudiced environment will find it difficult to provide the child what he does not have .So a concious effort has to be made to bring up a healthy and happy child .The rewards are of course much much greater than the effort .
There is no achievement ,no fulfilment and greater happiness than looking at a person and being proud that we nurtured him to the best of our capabilities and no greater failure and misery to look at a mean selfish person and know that we are to a great extent responsible for his failings.

2009-07-19T21:35:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wonder what do we read newspapers for !The front page is full of suicides and murders, lootings and cheatings or dirty politics .I am sure in all 24 hours there must be some news that can lift our spirits and prove that there are still people who care for each other and are kind and compassionate to others .How would it be that a news paper changed its format and the first page was devoted to news that warms the heart and puts our trust back in mankind .All the frightening and depressing news should be on the last page so you do not have to see it the first thing in the morning .

2009-07-18T23:57:00.000-07:00

Unable to find good books to read I decided to become a member of Delhi Public library .I managed to find one in the Tihar Jail Complex .It is a pleasure to visit it .There is a thrill involved in visiting a jail even though the library is in a housing complex and probably meant for the residents .There is a very good collection of books new as well as old classics .The children,s section contains all the books I yearned to read as a child .I wish I could have read them than.The librarian is very sweet and is very much impressed by the fact that I am a regular visitor .Some books have never been borrowed at all and rest too very infrequently .The books are issued for a fortnight so I have ample time to read the four books I get issued .
Of the four books the two I selected are old classics 'Wuthering Heights ' and 'The Tale of two Cities '.After reading the former I have decided not to reread any book which I have read as a teenager .(So I will give a miss to the other one ).When I had read it before I had found Heathcliffe to be incredibly romantic, his love for Cathy to be really divine and wondered whether such a love could really exist.Now I find Heathcliffe to be a devil and his love for Cathy
really obsessive and cathy to be a thoroughly spoilt brat .So the lesson I have learnt is that do not read the books you have loved as a child but reread the books you did not like .The chances are you may discover that you have missed out something and the book is really great .

2009-07-02T06:01:00.000-07:00

Why is it that every thing has two sides a positive and a negative .I am thinking about this as I manage my household with two full time servants .Of course there is much less work to do and logically I should have much more time for myself and things I love to do like reading ,writing and painting but this is not so .The time saved is spent in giving instructions instructions and instructions and than being angry when they are not followed .It requires the patience of a saint to deal with servants and I find myself lacking in it.Also I find I am gaining weight and the family is missing out on the delicacies I used to cook ,the expenditure has tripled and there is no saving of time at all. After listing all the negatives let me dwell on the positives It is easier to entertain now and also in the mornings there is no pressure to get up .So all said and done I would prefer to shout and be angry and also have servants .

2009-05-14T22:30:00.000-07:00

This is my first post in this year .I must admit to sheer laziness because however busy I have been I could certainly found time to write a post .The greatest news is that I am a grand mother now .So how do I feel ?Well I feel blessed .I thank God that my son is responsible enough to look after his child ,that my daughter in law is a wonderful mother .Another thing I realise is that a grandchild turns a daughter in law in a daughter and a son in law in a son .
Being a mother is a lot different than being a grandmother .You are more of a spectator than a participant .It takes time to sink in but when it does you realise it is a better option .You learn to wait and watch and let the new parents learn from experience and ofcourse internet .At times it is difficult but than you remember that in your time it was Dr.Spock you trusted and no one else so it is just history repeating itself .When the baby smiles there is sunshine and you wonder whether there can be anything sweeter than this and than it suddenly dawns that to hug your child is also as sweet as ever and to hold all three of them together is bliss .

2008-11-29T22:30:00.000-08:00

In my lastpost I had wondered about the maxim that whatever happens is for the best and I had tried to rationalize by saying that since we can not see the future maybe some good would come out of any unpleasant situation .After the terrible terrorist attack in Bombay I am again preplexed .There have been too many tragedies to recount .The two year old baby of the jewish couple ,the young son of Ats chief performing the last rites ,father of Major Unnikrishnan carrying the heaviest load for a father are some images that refuse to be explained rationally .Around two hundred people have died and hundreds injured and every one death or injury affects a large number of related people .
Another thing which has always bothered me is the suddenness with which death can strike .I hope there is no one regretting the hurts caused or the love not expressed or an apology not made to someone no more .This can be the most terrible burden for the living .

2008-11-02T20:18:00.000-08:00

Since childhood we have been taught to believe that what ever God does is for the best .This faith gives us strength to face the struggle and difficulties with patience and equimanity .Sayings like "this too shall pass "based on experience and wisdom of ages help to sustain us through various upheavals in life .But at times I do wonder what good could possibly be in a mother losing her two sons in terrorist attacks ?Or catching a terminal disease or losing a spouse or a parent ?Once when we were passing through a very difficult situation a number of friends tried to give us solace by saying that God tests those whom he loves the best .It led my sister to observe whether there would be a gold medal at the culmination of the test !
But even as I put my thoughts on paper I realize and also rationalize that belief in God is a must to tide through difficulties .Why bad things happen to some may or may not be explained by the theory of Karma but prayer to the supreme power is the only thing which eventually calms the turbulence .So my favourite prayer is the one that asks God to give me courage to change the situation and the strength to accept with dignity what I can not change .

2008-10-07T20:43:00.000-07:00

I am a fan of Feynman .I do not understand Physics at all so am not influenced by his remarkable brilliance but I think he was a wonderful person .I have read his collection of essays and I like reading them again and again .His writing are simple and full of day to day wisdom .Through him I have come to know his father who was a really remarkable person and influenced and moulded him into the person he was .However here I want to write about his relationship with his first wife .
Feynman and arlene were childhood sweethearts .They decided to get married when they were very young but were planning to wait till they finished their education . Arlene fell sick and later on she was diagonosed with cancer .They decided to get married at once against all odds and opposition .Feynman has glossed over the difficulties they must have faced and just described the great love they had for each other .Arlene faced the inevitable with equimanity ,secure in her love towards him and his towards her .They had promised to be always truthful with each other so there was an acceptance of the great loss .They had five years together beautiful years .The great thing is that he chooses to remember the fun part of his relationship and not the great loss and heartache .I don't think I am able to describe the love that enveloped both of them for that you may actually have to read Feynman but I must quote him when he says ,'We had a hell of a good time together ."

2008-10-01T02:05:00.000-07:00

The month of Shhradh has just ended .The last fifteen days were the days Hindus pay obesiance to their ancestors .The idea is to remember your late parents and give to charity .It was a ritual done with the chanting of mantras food ,clothes etc. were given to Brahmins .They was treated as the representative of the departed soul .Sometimes they took advantage of this feeling and made extreme demands .Now of course few believe that feeding a brahmin would somehow please the soul of the departed but most still follow the custom .It is supposed to be the sacred duty of children to perform shhradh .
Ithink the rationale behind this custom is to remind us of our roots .We must pay homage to our parents and remember that we are what we are because of them .It is so easy to forget that we owe every thing to them so our wise ancestors stipulated these fifteen days so we may remind our selves of their contribution to our self .Often in our day to day life we tend to forget it .So these days do serve a very useful purpose
These days remind me of my father and my father in law .My father died when I was studying ,It was a terrible loss and I missed him dreadfully but than we picked up the threads and life went on .But now thirty five years later I miss him much more ,I wish I could have his wisdom to guide me I wish I knew him as a person and not only as a father .I read his poems and realize that he was a very compassionate and considerate person, that he had a vision much beyond ordinary humdrum of life .I wish my son had known him .I wish he could have inherited his vision and his love for humanity.The solace is that he has inherited the genes .
My father in law died fifteen years before .In fact he was the father figure I missed .I like to think that maybe in some respects I was the daughter he never had .I knew him as a person a warm and caring person .I learnt a lot from him .Some of the things I learnt from him are the real mantras of life ."If somebody hurts or insults you immediately forget it .if you think about it you are becoming a slave of that person .Be the master of your thoughts ".He told me . I always remember his words and so I remember him not only in these fifteen days but the year round.

2008-09-21T01:00:00.000-07:00

I remember the day so vividly even though 28 years have passed .It had been raining since morning being Janamashtmi (Lord Krishna ,s birthday )it was a holiday also .My husband was at home teaching my beautiful daughter her alphabets my toddler son was crawling around.There was an aura of happiness and contentment all around .And than as suddenly the life changed .The slight temperature my daughter had led to convulsions and later when she remained unconcious for seven days we were told at the hospital that it was an attack of viral encephalitis and nothing can be done about it .We brought her home reduced to a helpless state ,she had lost all her faculties she had lost her mobility and speech, dependent on us for every small thing .To say that it was a shock is an understatement .We were like robots going through the motions of living .My mother took charge of my one year old son.My husband and his brother joined duties .I spent the whole day looking after the kid who was not at all my lovely talkative daughter but a helpless infant .One day while bathing her she could not sit still ,I screamed in frustration at every thing and than I happened to look at the mirror on the wall .I was shocked .Was it me the shrew in the mirror ?That moment again changed my life .I picked her up ,held her tight and promised myself to love and cherish her for ever.It was no fault of her that this happened and neither was it a fault or a sin of mine and my husband,s ,it was destiny .When my husband came back from office I greeted him with my old smile .He was so surprised that he thought that maybe a miracle has taken place and our daughter has recovered ..I told him it was I who has recovered .We learnt to live life again we showered our love on our son and taught him to accept and love his sister as she is .She got back her under standing and intelligence but nothing else .She is still totally dependent on us for all her bodily functions but despite that she has given us a lot .She has taught us to love unconditionally ,accept gracefully and live life and laugh a lot .My husband and I share a love and a bond which is truly fulfilling ,Our son has grown into a fine young man and I would like to believe that he has learnt compassion and kindness from his sister .
If I make it sound it easy I must say it has not been so .There have been hurts .People have been cruel ,many things have been missed in life but than there are compensations alright We have also known how good and loving people can be ‘.In spite of her age she is still a child and we do get tired at times and we do worry about future but than the solace is that she is God,s child and God would certainly not abandon his own .

2008-09-13T01:08:00.000-07:00

Sacred space in Times ofIndia on sept.11 had many quotations about saying goodbye .It set me thinking about the inevitability of death and yet we never consider it .And if it comes suddenly there is only regret and heartache .So many words unsaid so many memories not shared ,moments of anger and hurt stored and than there is nothing but regret .But is it really possible never to feel hurt and always to feel so angelic? A wise perason once told me that it is not always possible to control our thoughts but we can control our words and actions . So even at the risk of being considered weak I try to hold my tongue as far as possible cause tomorrow I may regret my anger or there may be no tomorrow for me .

2008-09-08T23:33:00.000-07:00

I surprised myself when I found myself praying for wisdom ,praying for wisdom at fifty plus !But I was !In fact I have realized that as you grow old you lose the brash confidence of young age ,the all knowing attitude .Experience mellows you ,youlearn to appreciate and acknowledge different and diverse views You realize the inevitability of certain facts and your own vulnerability .Your love becomes less demanding and more forgiving and accepting .And you need infinite patience and understanding .Youth has rights Age has responsibility so no wonder I pray for wisdom and maturity .

2008-07-08T00:41:00.000-07:00

I adore love stories so this is about my Bua and Phuphaji .They had got married sixty years before .I never saw them holding hands or saying endearments .In fact as long as I remember they were always pulling each other,s legs ,complaining about each other good naturedly .Later on I realized that this also was a way of showing love and intimacy .They also had their moments of romance .Bua had married into a very conservative family .She could never go out alone with her husband it was always a big entourage .They desperately wanted to get a studio portrait made .So when once when they went out in a big group she pretended to want to go to wash room and Phuphaji pretended irritation and than quickly took her to the studio and got their portrait made .It was another thing that they had to keep the portrait hidden for years .
Another incident I recollect is when I went to watch' Bobby 'a romantic movie with my friends .In the interval I saw Bua Phuphaji munching Popcorn .Before I could avoid them they saw me and called me .Imagine my surprise when they told me not to tell their children about this .It was their secret .I found it very romantic that they had taken time off to be together .
Fifty eight years Bua looked after Phuphaji but than she had a paralytic attack ,lost her speech and mobility .She was totally bed ridden for the last two years. Phuphaji cared for her like there was no one else .Last week when she died he looked so forlorn but there was a satisfaction too, his worries were over, he never wanted his beloved wife to be a burden on anyone so it was a duty fulfilled .Isn't it a beautiful story of togetherness !

2008-06-20T22:18:00.000-07:00

As a child I was taught to put myself in other person,s shoes before reacting to anything .It has become such a habit that I have forgotten how it is to wear my own shoes .So now I often wonder whether it is such a good idea .As a child I never had fights coz I would see the other point of view .I wrote prize winning essays as I could see both points of view .But I never won a debate because I could not argue a point passionately.
But now that I hyave grown older and experienced I find that your ability to see the other point of view is taken as 1)y our weakness 2)as being 'tactful'( in a negative sense .)People can not believe that it is a genuine trait .Also it does not allow you to take a stand .So now I think you should put your self in other person .s shoes only if others also do it.
By the way now a days I find I am wearing two pairs of shoes -my Maa in law,s and my daughter in law.s .and I find I have no time to wear my own .

2008-05-28T23:12:00.000-07:00

The word "Honour killing "is in much news nowadays however this word fills me with acute repulsion .Can any killing ever be honourable ?If we use the two words together does it mean that a murder can be honorable ?To take any one,s life can never be honourable .By using honour as an adverb for killing we are glamourizing as well as justifying the act of killing .
Another fact that has been bothering me is our tendency to believe the worst .In the Aarushi murder case the public wants to believe that the parents are the culprit because it is bizarre .It is the worst form of sadism ,maybe the psychologists can tell us the reasons why we revelin talking about misfortunes and tragedies .Is it because subconciously we are glad that we are not the victim of such misfortunes ?

2008-05-12T20:57:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking about success and happiness .The Oxford dictionary defines Success as accomplishment of aim ,attainment of wealth ,fame etc."Happiness does not figure in this definition .So to define a person as successful can mean anything .He can be a successful physician ,an enterpreneur ,a lawyer ,a technician or a cheat ,a swindler ,a murderer .As long as all the three criteria are fulfilled all of the above are successful .
Happiness is defined as pleasure and contentment .So what is the relationship between the two ?
Success is related to any thing you have to work for while happiness is a state of mind.So if one works for and fulfils one's aim one is successful and if this fulfilment of aim gives him contentment he is happy also.Thus a murderer can be as happy as say a Doctor as long as he is content with what ever he is doing .By default both can be equally devoid of happiness if they are not content even though they may be successful in fulfiling their aims .Therefore success and happiness are totally unrelated .A successful person can be unhappy and a loser may be a happy person .I am talking about success from individual's perspective. Obviously from the point of view of the society a swindler can not be compared with an engineer even though both consider themselves successful .So what is the best situation to be ?Naturally the best would be to be both successful and happy but given the option of choosing one I would certainly like to be happy .

2008-03-09T08:39:00.000-07:00

This one is again about love .I read a book recently 'Travelling light ' .It is about a married couple and their friends .It is about a terminally ill patient ,how he and his family copes with the inevitable .I read it once and I read it twice and Ican read it again just to feel the beauty and truth of love in all its forms ..I referred the book to many people but they were shocked that I found it inspiring .They were horrified because the married couple in the story were two men .Does it make their love any less because they belong to same sex ?I know it is a deviation from what we consider to be normal . But why do we forget that God has made them so . It is not their choice just like our complexion or our sex or our height or our features .So why should any of God,s creation be looked down upon on the basis of God given characterstics ?We may criticise someone for being dishonest or cruel or selfish but we simply should not discrimnate on anycircumstance of birth .(It has been scietifically proved that the foetus sexual orientation is decided in the womb and some anamoly in father's gene is responsible for it .) So if you want to read a real love story do read 'Travelling light 'by Katrina Kittle .By the way I think the Hindi movie .My brother Nikhil 'is inspired by it .

2008-02-14T07:47:00.000-08:00

Today being the valentine day I would like to record a true story .It all began when during my morning constitutional I met an old lady.I was quite impressed with her agility as she is more than eighty years old.I really hope and pray that when we reach that age we remain as active as her .
As we sat talking Mrs.Awasthi remarked that long back when she was unmarried her closest friends and neighbours were also Saxenas but that was in Shahjehanpur .It was a coincidence but my Mamaji also lived there and we found that she was referring to them .She was very thrilled to hear that and than started asking about my Mamas ,Mausis and ofcourse my mother .I told her about everyone .She recounted many anecdotes and than asked about my Younger Mama by name ."Well he is fine but as you know he is eighty four he has become forgetful",I said ,In fact the last time I met him he couldnot recollect my name .'But he would remember me ,"there was so much confidence in her voice that I looked up startled '",We used to sing Talat Mehmood ,s songs together ,She explained .I knew my Mama to be a die hard fan of Talat Mahmood so she was correct .I was very intrigued .To remember something like this almost seventy years later there must have been something special between the two .Of course they belonged to different castes and maybe for Mama it was just fun but for her it was a memory so special that neither time nor age has dimmed it .
Mrs.Awasthi went away to visit her children abroad .she had a fair numberof grandchildren and also one or two great grand children also .I met her yesterday after seven or eight months .We chatted as usual ,exchanged news ,compared notes about America and Australia .Just as she was leaving Itold her about about my Mama,s death .She looked at me .smiled softly and said "We sang lovely songs together .'I was quite shaken by the depth and intensity of that simple sentence .She had got married ,had children .lived a full and busy life and yet that memory had always been with her . .Maybe in the usual humdrum of life the sound of those songs have been with her .Maybe the sweetness of those songs provided solace to her .No wonder she hoarded the memory all through seventy years and I wonder at the confidence she had of being remembered after all these years . Maybe it is the love about which ballads are written.

2007-11-16T20:21:00.000-08:00

Yesterday two news items distressed me .One was about aboy of twelve living on the streets and being victimised by men The boy was incoherent and traumatised but the medicalofficer chose to blame the boy and absolve his tormentors by saying that he was a passive participant !As though he had any choice .When sent to remand home he was refused admission as he could lead other children into bad habits.How could the society be so insensitive ?Poverty is the reason children have to face such a fate .
And than I read and saw a photo feature about child models in a fashion show .It showed children around six or seven dressed in two piece bikini suits ,strange cut out dresses showing belly buttons .,pointed heels on which they strutted exaggeratingly swaying their non existent behinds .These children are also victims .They are forced to grow up too soon ,too fast .To what purpose ?They are the victims of plenty as opposed to poverty .They are given no opportunity to grow up normally at their own pace with time to reflect and enjoy and crave and achieve .We are being as much cruel to these children as to the child labour .Please let a child be a child .

2007-11-02T21:18:00.000-07:00

We saw "Gandhi,my Father .".Since a long time no movie has touched my heart like this one .To my surprise I found myself shedding tears .The relationship between the Mahatma and Harilal has been portrayed brilliantly .I think the Director has done an excellent job in taking no sides .He has presented the reality and reality is never simple .It cleared some myths too.It was not like Gandhi had no time ,or no compassion for his child or that Harilal did not love his father .Time and again both tried to come together but nothing could be done .Than what went wrong ?May be destiny ?Harilal was heartbroken whenGandhi chose to send someone else for higher studies and yet he tried to follow his path .Gandhiji who was the epitome of truth and integerity was apalled by Harilal,moral lapses and yet he tried hard to bring him back to the mainstream .The misery of Harilal has been brought to life brilliantly by Akshaye Khanna .
This movie also made me think about so many issues life,love and success .Did Gandhi failed as a father or Harilal was not a good son ?And than what about the women ?Wife and the mother Kasturba and Gulab the silent spectators and sufferors of the tragedy in which they had no role .I think every father and every son must watch this movie .

2007-09-29T07:14:00.000-07:00

Saregama is a reality show I watch regularly .There are some really good singers and it is a pleasure to listen to them .The sex ratio was skewed ,fewer girls than boys .As soon as the audience voting started the number of girls reduced dramatically .There remained only three girls to seven boys .Am I being paranoid when I feel that girls lost out as the majority of mobile users are males ?Anyway the three Mauli,Sumedha and Poonam are really good .Than the parochial voting began .I hated it when the contestants appealed to the people of their states .(In the Sony show this parochialism reached such a level that the chief minister appealed to the people to vote for their candidate irrespective of the talent so ultimately the competition was about which State could send more SMSs )Mauli lost out because she is an NRI .Than Sumedha and yesterday it was Poonam .The other thing is that all five were so good but than there can be only one winner .Poonam sings beautifully and the more important thing is that she is a beautiful person .It had been told that she belonged to a very poor family but till we saw her mother yesterday we did not realize how poor !Poonam was born after the death of her father .single handedly the mother brought up the child ,recognized her talent, had the courage to dream of higher things for the gifted girl .It is so easy to think and dream big when every thing is fine but it requires guts to try to fulfill a dream in such a difficult situation .It is so easy to give up and so difficult to carry on the struggle.Also it warmed my heart to see Poonam acknowledging her mother,s contribution publicly and not feel embarrassed by the abject poverty .Once a person is successful it is very easy to forget the people left behind.The person worthwhile is the one who always remembers his or her roots .And so even though Poonam is not in the final I salute her as a winner in the game of life .

2007-09-09T20:45:00.000-07:00

We visited an old relative yesterday .She is eighty plus ,fragile as an albaster statue and yet she manages to stay alone in a two bedroom flat at the second floor she had shared with her late husband. Theirs is a love story with no dramatic twists and turns but heart warming and enlightening .It is unique in the sense that they needed no company except each other .There was a sense of fulfilment which surpassed all other desires .I suppose it is this sense of fulfilment that allows her to remain alone after her husband,s death The bonding was so strong that it's strength carries her along even now and adjust all her needs so that she remains self sufficient .Such a sense of commitment,fulfillment and love over awes me .

2007-09-08T20:17:00.000-07:00

I made a promise to myself that I will write at least once a week .Well I have broken that promise but the reason justifies my folly .I am now a mother inlaw my son got married recently.We had lots of fun and frolic The
.family came together for the first wedding of the second generation ,There was much bonhomie ,affection and enthusiasm that justified my faith in having a large number of siblings .At the risk of being categorised as backward I must say large families provide a network which simply can not be replaced by anyother social structure.I suppose in this age of small families of two kids the cousins will learn to bond with each other .But than it would certainly require special effort on us elders to help cement and stregthen the bond .At times it may require special effort and also some sacrifices but we would be giving our children a gift that they would appreciate later.
I am constantly being asked how I feel as a mother in law .Certainly neither a lalita Pawar (the wicked Maa in law of Hindi films ) or Nirupa Roy (Thr ever suffering one ).I simply feel it is like having another child without undergoing the birth pangs .As I have already said I love children and to have one more is indeed a blessing .

2007-06-09T20:59:00.001-07:00

To celeberate my birthday we decided to watch 'Cheeni Kum'a movie about a mature romance .Everyone including the press gave rave reviews going gaga over the humor and the sensitivity .Well at the risk of being unpopular I must say it is juvenile ,stupid,shallowand absolutely immature .It has its moments of humour but they are childish .Imagine a sixty four year being called 'Ghaas phoos and calling his beloved 'tangdikabab .As an actor Amitabh is good but the role has no authencity so he ends up looking a fool .With tasteless risque dialogues it seems he is just out to prove his virility.And if he was so much so virile what stopped him till then ?Was it his Zafaraani Pulaoo or had he gone simply berserk so as to address a six year old child sexy ?Also Amitabh bad mouthing his mother in a convulted display of affection seems totally out of place .Tabu looks beautiful alright but is totally unconvincing in falling in love with "Ghaas Phoos" as she chooses to call Amitabh .Paresh Rawal a super Comedian is totally wasted cause he is not being funny when he is shocked at finding that his daughter wants to marry a man six years older than him .Which father would willingly give his blessings to such a union ?It could have been a beautiful love story ,people can fall in love at any age but it turns out to be a farce ."Joggers Park "was one such movie which had a feeling of authenticity .A mature love should be just that mature ,understated .subtle and deep.The movie fails on all the counts and I wonder how someone could see humour in making fun of someone,s teeth or pronunciation .The praises lavished on "Cheeni kum "remind me of the story about the King who wore no clothes andyet no one was willing to admit it to his face for the fear of being ridiculed .So is it with Amitabh no one has the guts to tell him that this role is an insult to his intelligence .The only saving grace I must say is Zohra Sehgalwho never to fails to enthrall.

2007-06-02T21:38:00.000-07:00

I just read about Fatima ,Sheik Salar ,s wife who completed the engineering course and got a job in Infosys .Nothing unique about it but the fact that Salar sells Pani puri on the streets of Vishakha Patnam .He worked hard and saved money to let his wife pursue her dream Fatima was just fifteen and had completed high school when she was married off .In fact Salar is a unique person .How many men would scrimp and save and also face ridicule to let his wife fulfill the dream .Not only this he also took the risk that once she gains education and financial security she may find him illiterate and unsophisticated .So maybe this is Love .Love is not only when Shahjehan constructs a Tajmahal for his beloved .Love is when Maajim single handed paves a path across the mountain for his wife .When Baba Amte carries a leper on his shoulders and devotes his life for them .When mother Teresa holds a sick and dying beggar to her bosom .I can think of several examples but the thing that bothers me is different.My cynical cousin says no love is selfless .We do something because it pleases us .gives us satisfaction ,panders to our ego .She does not undermine the efforts of Salar .Maajim ,Baba Amte ,Mother Teresa and innumerable others but she says ultimately the fact remains thet we all do every thing for ourselves even if a sacrifice is made it gives us mental satisfaction .I am totally confused .

2007-05-27T20:24:00.000-07:00

Iam quite ashamed to find that the last time I wrote was in November so I will make a solemn promise to myself to write (well I wanted to say daily but that would be too much )atleast weekly .
As a penance for my laziness I must write about a person whose discipline shames me so often .My brother in law writes a chronicle DAILY and he has been writing since last 28 years .It is almost like a family history so if we want to check when a nephew went abroad or a niece won a scholarship or our great aunt had a stroke we just have to ask Girish Bhaiya and he can check in his diaries .Mind you he does it all in long hand ,no computers for him .Hats off to him .

2006-11-10T21:08:00.000-08:00

I had a minor surgery on my right knee .It was a minor thing but being on knee it meant that I was bed ridden .I was allowed to walk as little as possible that too with a stick .For a few days I enjoyed being on the bed but as the days passed it became very boring .It was also very depressing and I had fears whether I would be able to walk around ever .However if I tried to share my fears with anyone Iwas told to be POSITIVE in my thinking .It was so bad that the word positive almost made me want to scream .I learnt a lesson that I hope I would not forget .It is alright to give a pep talk and convince someone about the power of positive thinking .But it is equally important to let a person vent out his worries and problems and just LISTEN .In fact let a person speak out and express the feelings . Often it is the bottling of fears and problems that leads to depression and sometimes even suicide .Too much emphasis on positive thing may sometimes backfire as a person may hide and supress his feelings as not be ridiculed as a person with negative thinking .So the first thing if we want to help a person is to listen to his woes with sympathy and than gently persuade him to think positively .

2006-09-23T22:21:00.000-07:00

We were looking for a full time worker to assist me in house work .It is easy to find part time servants .They come do their work and go away .A full time maid is a different proposition altogether .For one thing a stranger in your home does invade your privacy and than there are other practical problems too like safety ,security etc .However due to certain circumstances it became imperative to hire one .So the search began .The first step was to book with the agencies dealing in this .The terms were spelt out Rs.4500 was the deposit and the agreement with the maid was for 11 months with replacement upto three till you meet your requirements .After endless phone calls one agency responded that there was a candidate available and if we are serious we should come immediately or else we will have to wait for some time .As we reached the agency we were asked to wait .There was no one inside except a very tiny kid on the opposite chair .Dr.Mehta ( she really is a doctor and runs a nursing home as well as the agency I think the agency is the better business of the two .)told us that the tiny kid was the the worker available .The kid was barely 11 years old .We were taken aback .Child labour is illegal and what could this kid do .Dr. Mehta ,s arguments were that the child belonged to a very poor family .As it is she and her younger siblings are starving .If the girl works there would be one less mouth to feed.She will also bring in some much needed cash .At home in such abject poverty she was likely to be pushed in and forced in criminal activities .At least she would be well fed ,cared for and safe at your home .Regarding work Dr.Mehta explained to us she would be a capable assistant .The child was looking with such hope at us that we decied to try her out for some days .
I must say that little Pinky is a very efficient helper and is a good child .We are trying to build up her health and also teach her .When ever I look at her I think about child labour and wonder what is correct and incorrect .Child labour is bad and cruel no doubt but than there should be alternatives .Staying home and doing nothing or begging is a worse alternative than working .As long as there are no schools and food for the children they should be allowed to work .People like us who employ them should also treat them well and look after their well being .I must say child labour should not be allowed but only when food shelter and education is provided for them or else let them work albeit with people who can look after them .

2006-09-13T02:42:00.000-07:00

The day we are born we all have the same destination -death .It is so final and inevitable and yet we forget the reality .It is only when someone dies the impossibility of never ever interacting with that person strikes you ..And than the regrets hit you .The one who dies is gone but the ones left behind suffer and it does hurt .So if there are hugs to be given love to be expressed ,gratitude to be shown do it today and now .Also if there are recrimnations and accusations hold them back coz you may regret later and there may not be a chance to say sorry .Kal ho naa ho -so don,t hold back your hugs and do restrain the anger .

2006-08-29T20:22:00.000-07:00

While browsing through old books I came across an interesting one by Susan Jeffers .It is "freeing our selves from the mad myths of parenthood .Well as I am told it is too late for me to read the book or rather free myself from any myths ,But i would certainly like the youngsters to read the book especially the young parents .It lists down the various changes you have to make in your life style once you choose to become a parent .There is a long and rather frightening list of changes to be made .All of it is true but the happiness ,the joy and the pleasure of parenthood out weighs every thing .As regards changes ,the biggest change is that once you are a parent you have allowed your heart to move out of your body . In fact this is the real choice to be made .

2006-08-23T08:03:00.000-07:00

Joy's MusingsWell it has been almost two months since I last wrote .There are hundred and one excuses I can give but the real one is laziness .So I will try to turn a new leaf and from now onwards try to write as frequently as possible till a computer is invented which can transcribe my thoughts directly to the screen .So all you wizards try to make something like this .

2006-06-29T00:27:00.000-07:00

As a student of sociology I read Max Weber ,s theory that Hinduism is not conducive to economic growth .He has given a lot of explainations and reasons for coming to such a conclusion .The main reason in a nut shell according to him is the theory of Karma .This made Hindus so much fatalistic that it curbed the spirit of enterprise and people left everything to their fate . .As a ninteen year old I heartily disagreed with this theory .Iwrote a term paper defending Hinduism .My explaination was that people resorted to blaming their Karma only when they faced failure .In no way did it stop them from working hard and trying their best .I cited the examples of many successful Hindu industrialists . My paper had some logical arguments and I suspect some emotional out burst at the criticism of Hinduism .I do not remember all the arguments I gave in support but I do remember that I did get an A+ so they must have been plausible .
But now as I have seen life I wonder if the belief in theory of Karma is such a bad thing that it needs justification .Sometimes when all the doors are closed and one has tried all the options the belief in Karma is a safety valve .Instead of blaming self and others misfortunes can be blamed to Karma and than one can move forward .Now also I do not believe that Hinduism is not conducive to economic growth but now I am not defensive about the theory of karma .In fact it provides a safety guard against depression and self blame .It teaches you acceptance of the circumstances you can not change .In a way it makes it easier to move forward and try new options .

2006-06-28T23:41:00.000-07:00

Amitabh Bachhan has made 9 crore donation to Tirupati Devasthanam for buying bracelets for Lord Tirupati .I simply can not comprehend this .Imagine offering something so materialistic to GOD .Will not HE be pleased if the money was spent in opening hospitals or schools ?But than I think this is the easiest way of doing philantrophy or easing the conscience .Just abdicate the responsibility .For this I admire Bill Gates and Warren Buffet .Not only they make huge contributions but also see to it that the money is well utilized .Our own Baba Amte is also one such person who has created an Anand Ashram for the lepers the lowliest of the low. There must also be lot of such people some known and most unknown and unsung.I think they are the beloved of God .

2006-05-28T03:12:00.000-07:00

As I was driving by in the AC comfort of the car listening to FM .I suddenly saw a man holding on to a wooden pole with all his might .It was leaning across the 40 ft.electric pole .I craned my neck to see and the scene will always remain etched in my memory .Tied to the pole with a rope was another man , a bucket of paint tied to his waist and he was painting the pole with a cloth wrapped in his hand .So the life of the painter was in the hands of the puny labourer holding on to the pole .Ido not think I can describe the poignant scene .It really shook me up .How can we say we are a developed or even a developing nation if in the capital of the country we still use such primitive means .Whosoever was responsible for getting the poles painted should be punished for this inhumanity.I wish I had a camera that day as I have not been able to express the stark inhumanity and indignity of that scene . I think the country could be called developed or even developing when the worker at the lowest rung is well looked after .

2006-05-08T00:59:00.000-07:00

The editorial in Hindustan times(8th May ) is about M.F.Hussain,s right to paint Hindu Gods and Godessses as and how he pleases .The paper supports Hussain ,s right to paint such pictures as artistic licence .It also criticizes the Home Ministry ,s call to take appropriate action against the painter .I can not understand how hurting the sentiments of anybody can be defended as artistic expression .By this logic the offending MMS and morphing the pictures should also be allowedas creativity There has to be a self controlling mechanism.The best and simplest criteria would be to see whether the creative expression (it may be a painting ,an article or a sculpture or even a movie) unneccesssarily makes fun of someone ,s sensibilities .Would the Editor still feel the same if under artistic freedom someone paints his mother ,wife ,sister or daughter in various forms of undress .I think the issue is not about Hindus (as the editor thinks ) only anything which offends the sensibilities of any community should not be allowed .It is wrong to have double standards .The pseudo secularists make a hue and cry when cartoons depicting Prophet are published but defend Hussain,s artistic freedom .Let us have the same standards for every one and not deliberately hurt any community .After all by whatever name you call you can not deny that supreme being is one and the same and if you hurt or insult one you insult them all .

2006-05-04T03:33:00.000-07:00

There are two kids I really feel very sorry for though the two can not be compared at all .The one that touches my heart is little Buddhia .The four and half year old child was made to run 65 kms just to create a record for Limca Book of records .The poor child was on the verge of collapse as he ran .How could the organisers be so cruel .If and I think he is a prodigy nurture him ,let him grow strong instead of making inhuman demands on his stamina .I wondered why he did not make it to Guiness book and was told that most probably they will not allow such a record to be made .Whoever is the guardian of Buddhia should see that his progress and stamina is not stunted .Give him a break .
The other person is Kaavya .She is seventeen just a teenager .She has excellent writing skills .Maybe she 'internalized 'some passages ,maybe she copied them .Before giving her such a huge advance and building her up as a prodigy should not the publishers and editors scrutnized her work ? They deserve the brickbats .Tough luck Kaavya for being a pawn .

2006-04-28T23:34:00.000-07:00

Since last few days everyday in the newspaper there has been a report about a teenager committing suicide .This has disturbed me very much .I can understand if a person burdened with debt (like the farmers in Vidarbha )do this .Being responsible for the family and unable to fulfil the role of the provider they are often forced to take this extreme step .
But suicide by youngsters is a different thing .They are still at the stage when they can share their sorrows with their parents and peers .If they are unable to do so somehow I think we the older generation has to face the facts .There is something seriously wrong with the upbringing .I think a number of reasons are responsible for this situation .
With double incomes and small families life for small kids is very easy .With most jobs in the private sector fathers have very little time to interact and most of the women also working the same is true of them .So what happens is that the 'quality time 'is spent in taking the kids to Malls ,hotels .trips and buying them things .There is no time to be spent just being themselves chatting .playing games and reading .the child gets whatever she asks for .The families being smaller there is no need to share too .The kids do not learn the basic skills of life like patience ,sharing controlling their desires and also coping with dislike ,anger and rejection .As they grow up and enter the real world they have no experience about negative emotions ,behaviour and feelings .So when they are faced with some negativity they tend to collapse .
With econmy growing it is foolish to imagine that Fathers will be able to pay more attention to kids or that mothers will give up their careers.. We must find solutions with in this framework .First of all treat the child as a sensible intelligent person .By all means provide her with all the toys you always wanted for your self but just think whether she is ready to realize their worth .If you give too much too soon the child loses on many emotions like patience ,expectation and the happiness of having a dream fulfilled .
Secondly okay there is just one child in the family but than let her play and share things with other children and cousins .Let the child learn to quarrel,sulk and make up with other children .t

there is no way these situations could be avoided so prepare the child for it .
Finally do not expect the child to be perfect .Discipline her ,punish her if needed (never ever hit a child physical punishment never taught anything ) but also provide her with a role model .Also never make your love and affection conditional .The child should have the confidence that there is one place where she will always be cherished but bad behaviour will not be tolerated .
I hope the young ones will never be desperate enough to commit suicide .

2006-04-06T00:29:00.000-07:00

I write this to salute the gardeners who create so much beauty for us .At this time of the year the parks around our home are blooming .There is a riot of colours to feast our eyes on .It has been continuous back breaking work for the Maalis .I watch them bending,digging ,sweeping , watering and ofcourse visualising the total effect .They are poorly paid ,there is no appreciation ,the working conditions are nothing to boast about and yet they slog on .I suppose they are truly blessed coz they love their work there fore inspite of all the problems they persist .Mind you there are also many bureaucratic hurdles to cross too .The supply of manure and seeds depend on the whims of the supervisors who often send half the requirement pocketing the rest of the money .
The road from Dwarka to Gurgaon is a visual delight as I watch the blooms I always thank the Maalis for such beauty and also marvel at the fact that I know of some Government servants who actually work .

2006-03-17T23:49:00.000-08:00

This is a request to all the parents .Grandparents .uncles aunts and all the relatives .Please let the child be a child .Please treat the child as a person and not as an exhibit who has to parrot rhymes and alphabets to all the visitors just to pander your ego .As it is as soon as the child starts school he or she has to fit into a mould .So the formative years are very crucial .let him develop his observation ,imagination and creativity.The child should have the freedom to enjoy its childhood .How would we like if we are asked to sing and dance for the strangers ?He should be treated as an intelligent sensitive individual and not looked upon as a comic relief .It is important for a child,s healthy growth and his self confidence later in life if he is interacted to as an intelligent person .The thumb rule here is to interact with him as you would like him to interact with you .Take pleasure in himand let him develop on his own .You are there to guide him but please don,t try to mould him as Khalil Gibran aptly said "He is from you but he is not you "Even as a child respect his individuality and let him make the choices .

2006-03-07T03:52:00.000-08:00

Joy's Musings There is a lot of talk about the risk taking capabilities of the youth but what we forget is that youth is about challenges and at every stage of time the young ones have been doing the same .Looking back at the generation that began their careers around independence they were pathbreakers .They left the comfortable coocons of joint family and travelled to metropolitan cities .At that time with very slow means of transport and almost no means of communication except the post cards it was very daring to come to the cities .Their roots were in Aligarh ,Rohtak .Meerut ,Kanpur .It was a mammoth effort to maintain two establishments and also to adjust to the pressures of urbanization.It was basically Roti and Kapda for them .The next in line were the ones who were born in the decade after independence .They had it a little easy in the sense that there was a feeling of belonging .They had opportunities for education .Though with large families and very low incomes it was a struggle alright .So the elder sibling more often than not took on the first job available so as to contribute to the family .Also in seventies the job situation due to economic policies was pathetic .No one had the luxury of choice .The first job and you had to grasp it .But still like I said it is a linear progression ,Makaan was added to Roti and Kapda . The families became smaller and it became possible to give good education to the children and to offer them the independence to choose and decide their own future .The three basic needs of life taken care of and with new job opportunities the young can and do broaden their horizons The remarkable progress in communications has changed the world .There are lots of oppotunities to be taken advantage of .Since it is linear progress let us remember that at each stage of growth there were challenges to be faced and so let us not look down upon the people who carved the steps on which we climb further coz we will be the stepping stones for the next generation .

2006-02-22T07:57:00.000-08:00

Joy's MusingsWe protest against so many things. We protest because a cartoonist showed Prophet as a terrorist .We protest coz Bharat Mata is painted without clothes by M.F.Hussain. I wonder if we will protest now that all the accused in Jessica Lal murder case are acquitted because of lack of evidence , a cold blooded murder which took place in front of a number of people .Most probably not because somehow this does not concern us while we are incensed about the insult being meted to Gods and Prophets .Isn’t it ironical that we worry about the supreme powers who are much much above insults and defamations and do not spare a thought about ordinary mortals. If our legal system is helpless as the witnesses can be bought and evidence destroyed will it not give birth to a parallel seat of justice where God father type of figures will emerge and people will flock to them?
By the way now Salman Khan has my full sympathies as he has to undergo a year’s imprisonment for killing a black buck while murderers of a girl go scot free .

2006-01-30T19:53:00.000-08:00

J
We saw 15ParkAvenue by Aparna Sen recently .It is a sensitive portrayal of a Schizophrenic patient played very competently by Konkana Sen .Shabana Azmi has played the caregiving elder sister and Waheeda Rehman is the old mother .All of them including the once had been fiancee Rahul Bose have to cope with their own dilemmas ,hurts guilts and pain .Aparna has clearly brought out the fact that nobody not even the patient itself is responsible for this frightening sickness which cripples the mind .It is a matter of genes and sheer bad luck .I think every one must watch the movie if only to learn to be kind to the lost souls .Also if the care givers parents and siblings understand and acknowledge the helplessness of the patient it may be a little easier for them to accept the challenge of looking after such a person .Thank you Aparna for making a meaning ful film .

2006-01-18T09:20:00.000-08:00

Joy,s musings Do we Delhiites by nature love uncleanliness and filth ?Creating filth seems to be a compulsive trait .There is a beautiful children,s park near our house .It is full of colourful swings and benches .To spend a winter afternoon on these benches watching the children play is very pleasant .so many people come and do so and consequently by the time it is evening the park is full of pea pods ,vegetable scrapings ,wrappers of Chips and Pepsi glasse.As a solution to this the administration decided to put in dustbins. However the park is as dirty as before .What I can not fathom is why people do not put the litter in the dustbins it is still strewn around or maybe people think that the dustbins are for decorative purposes ?

2006-01-01T00:05:00.000-08:00

This is for all those who dream and often wonder how or when or ever will they become reality .I realized it suddenly .Yesterday afternoon .We had gone to the neighbourhood park .My husband took his usual walk while listening to music on his walkman . I sat on the bench and read my novel .In between I would look up to see the butterflies flitting away ,the beautiful migratory birds hopping around and the squirrels jumping .It being afternoon somehow there was no one else in the park .I suddenly felt a sense of dejavu ,as though I have experienced it all before and than I remembered as a child I always wished to have a garden where I could read uninterrupted and I realized suddenly that my dream has come true ,Of course the garden is not mine but what does it matter ,all the rest is there with the added bonus of the tranquil presence of my husband .So always have faith your dreams do come true how when and why are not for you to know .God knows the best time and ways to fulfill them .

2005-12-27T22:35:00.000-08:00

Christmas is fun .I simply love it and as a child I always longed to celeberate it .The concept of Santa coming through the chimney and giving a sackful of presents was I suppose the biggest attraction .Reading innumerable Enid Blytons in my make believe world I was celeberating christmas and had an identity to match .However this illusion was cruelly shattered by a teacher .We were asked to write an essay describing our selves so I wrote one describing myself with blue eyes and golden hair .The teacher (she was a British lady )brutally told me that since I am an Indian I simply can not have blue eyes and golden hair and my favourite festival can not be Christmas .I suppose she could have been kind to a seven year old .Now all that has changed .Christmas is very much our festival .All the markets are decorated and there are trees galore andso are Santas distributing gifts .There were wonderful Xmas parties .My cousin had a beautiful tree all decorated with snow and glitter .So dear Teacher you were wrong it is our christmas and as regards blue eyes and golden hair thanks to contact lenses and hair colour it is no big deal .

2005-12-14T02:24:00.000-08:00

There is a contest on Radio .It is about selecting a child Radio Jockey .The contest is open to children between 8and 13 .There are auditions on saturday and sunday .The entry to the competition is by sending a sms and taking a wrapper of Baal Prabha Chyavan prash to the venue to participate in the hunt . .so basically it is publicity gimmick of the company .The first few ads were adresssed to the parents but maybe the response was poor so some new ads are being aired .One ad has a mother bemoaning her annonymity and so she plans to feed Baal Prabha to her child and as he becomes famous she will be no longer be annonymous she will be the mother of the prodigy .I wonder if eating Chyavanprash can turn one into a genius .However it is a sale technique so even if there is exaggeration it is acceptable .The other ad has a child singing that her mother wants her to be a Doctor ,Father an engineer ,Grandpa an IAS etc etc but she is totally against all this as her ambition is to become a RJ.I find it offensive as it limits a child ,s ambition .With due respect to all the RJs (and I am quite fond of listeningto some of them )Iwould wish the children to consider all the options and not just the glamour of being a Baal Prabha RJ.

2005-12-09T23:30:00.000-08:00

I am an ardent fan of Bill Gates and his wife .He has created an empire and is also the richest man on the earth .what impresses me the most is his philanthrophy .As an Indian I am very much touched by his concern about our kids ,their health and their education .The ease withwhich he shares the platform with Industry leaders and politicians can also be seen in the way he is sitting with commercial workers in Chennai .There is also a new talent hunt for Indian school kids which Gates is sponsering .I wish our Indian Industrialists will also follow his example.I wonder what makes Bill as he is ?Is it his innate goodness or his upbringing or both?He has also been lucky in finding alife partner who thinks and feels alike .This brings me to the eternal riddle I am trying to fathom .what influences a child ?Is it the environment .upbringing or genes that determine an individual,s character ?Any answers ?

2005-12-09T23:29:00.000-08:00

Joy's Musings

2005-12-09T23:27:00.000-08:00

Last time I wrote in my blog that Chetan Bhagat ,s book about callcentre is silly and melodramatic .I have been proved correct as I just read that a Hindi movie is being made on the book .The script is perfect for a masala movie and I have a feeling that it will be a hit.

2005-12-01T10:34:00.000-08:00

Just finished reading ChetanBhagat,s book about callcentre .I had heard a lot about his first book but was unable to get it .We have a system here by which one does not have to spend a lot of money on buying books ..There are lending libraries ,deposit a security and than keep the book as long as you want .when you return the book you get back the security minus just Rs.15 .So when my friendly Book wala gave the book I was quite happy .The second book shd. also be interesting .Alas ,It was 15 rupees down the drain. It is superficial,melodramatic and silly .I am still trying to get the first one by him .Maybe it is better ? .

2005-11-27T01:15:00.000-08:00

One of the places I love to visit is Don Bosco orphanage .About 5 years back I discovered it quite by chance and the fact that is is situated very near our home makes visiting still easier .It is an orphanage run by missionaries .Any child can seek shelter and the police also often brings in children found loitering around.There are about 200 children now .The amazing thing is how well the children are being brought up .They are very well mannered and full of pep and vigour .Also they are taught the essential values .Their premises are sparklingly clean .It seems all the children have certain duties by rotation .Brother Pascal told me that the emphasis is on teaching the kids the balance between rights and duties .They must learn to give back to the society .Considering that most of the kids are runaways it is a pleasure to see them so well integerated .Full of confidence they are also determined to do well at studies They go to different schools and also learn suitable trades that equip them for earning their livelihood .There are many success stories .Inspite of getting aid and donations still more are welcome so please if you have any thing to spare please do donate .Also a visit to this Ashram is sure to cheer you up .The child helpline number is 1098 .Any child in any type of trouble can find friends ready to help at this number .

2005-11-22T02:09:00.000-08:00

Recently there was a death in the family.It is always sad but this time it was untimely ,unexpected and sudden .It made me think about the fragility of life .Once my friend and I had decided that before being rude or mean to someone we will just keep in mind that we shd not regret our behaviour if the person disappeared from our life .So this resolution many times stopped us from being illtempered . Now I think Iwill reverse the process .If there are any compliments or thanks to be given I must do that immediately who knows who may disappear without knowing about our love and affection ,thanks and gratitude or vice versa .

2005-11-22T01:46:00.000-08:00

A new fairness cream has been launched in the market ."Fair and Handsome "So the men now no longer need to use their sister or wives fairness cream surreptiously. They can boldly buy their own and rub their faces snow white .(It is another thing that men were always described as TDH tall ,dark and handsome) .So for us Indians It will now be fair and handsome .The launch of this cream should please female activists as it is a sure step towards gender equality .Not only the girls but also the boys will join the race to the fairness club .However jokes apart it is really surprising in a country where the complexion of majority of indians ranges from pale peach, golden brown ,olive ,coffee and mahgony the one most venerated is WHITE or GORA .Is it a throw back to our inferiority complex of being ruled by fair skinned Britishers ? In our ancient texts and literature right from Parvati ,Laxmi .to Sita and Draupdi all of them were supposed to be dusky .So I suppose this preoccupation with fair skin is really our homage to Europeans .

2005-11-15T22:50:00.000-08:00

Shahrukh Khan has given up smoking on his 40th birthday .With the publicity given to his promise now he has to keep up his promise .It is a difficult thing to do indeed .As Mark Twain said "It is very easy to promise to give up smoking as I have done it a thousand times ."But maybe Shahrukh made his resolution public as under public gaze he will have pressure to keep his promise .It is strange that even after so much publicity against smoking it seems to be on rise .One of the explaination is that there are more tensions to endure and the other is that it is very glamorous to smoke .Both are probably true I wonder if it will help to paste the pictures of smokers 'soot blackened lungs at the cigratte vendor,s outlets ?Children can often be quite persuasive .Like at this Diwali there was considerably less pollution cause children boycotted fireworks .Maybe when these kids grow up seeing the black,mutilated lungs the incidence of smoking will be reduced .

2005-11-12T04:24:00.000-08:00

Blame game is an interesting thing .And the most maligned are the parents .They may or may not bequeath a fortune to their kids but they feel guilty about giving diabetes,hypertension etc.However an interesting research has proved that mother 's temperament during pregnancy has an important bearing upon child,s social behaviour as it grows up .So now mothers can claim credit if their child is happy ,sociable and popular .Fathers can also take heart as the research has proved that fathers who spent time with their kids as an infant reared up better adjusted children .
PS .The reseach findings often trouble me as I have this funny feeling that any thing can be proved it is just a matter of intent .(What ever you intend you can find and prove )

2005-11-12T03:57:00.000-08:00

Read a very good piece in Times of India by Subroto Bagchi .He wrote about a topic very close to my heart that is integerity .One of the points he made is that many times people do things that are wrong because they have never been told that it is wrong .As children they saw their parents blithely filling wrong returns ,claiming fake benefits and fares .So they did not learn to be honest and truthful .The assumption was that no one can prosper with honesty .Thankfully this mindset is now changing.The new entrants in the industry have shown that it is possible to grow and develop while being law abiding and honest .Many times I have heard the argument that the tax structure is such that it is very difficult to be honest .It always reminds me of Aristotle who said that if the laws are unfair try to get them changed but as long as they are there you must follow them .I am glad big IT giants like Infosys .Mindtree .Wipro .IBM,Intel etc. are good examples for the new comers to emulate .I also believe that in matters of integerity there is only black and white .I hope .pray and wish that all the youngsters will remember that honesty is not the best policy it is the only policy .

2005-11-04T22:56:00.000-08:00

So finally with Bhai Dooj Diwali is over .The festival of lights is one of the most beautiful festivals of India .With twinkling lights on the Multi storied apartments Delhi looked like a fairyland .This time it seems Delhi experienced much less pollution than laast years as it was NO to fire crackers .It is good for environment no doubt but than it also means that children have little or no enthusiasm .Diwali is just another day for them .Parents hang the electric bulbs and also do the cleaning and the decorations .Mom prepares special sweets (that too are often bought )So what do the kids do ?Lighting crackers and fireworks kept them excited and busy and also very much involved .So I found most of the kids spending the Diwali night in front of TV .Environmentalists are going to kill me for saying this but please for one night let the kids be kids and have all the fun and frolic and fireworks (ofcourse with safety precautions )
Another change that has happened now is about exchanging sweets .Till someyears back Diwali sweets meant exchanging Thalis with your neighbours .The thalis had mandatory Kheel Batashe and than home made sweets So we looked forward to different types of sweets Sandesh ,Puran poli ,Gujhiya Choorma .It was interesting fare .What happens now is that there are no traditional sweets .All of us buy Haldiram ,Bikanerwala ,Aggarwaals ,Cadbury ,s Priyagold .......................gift packs and exchange them .This year I have doubts that one Haldi ram pack I gave to someone has come back to me via a circuitous route .Next year just to be sure I will certainly put asticker on the boxes to see how many come back tome.The only good thing I can think about this barter system is that since we just pass on the sweets there is no risk of putting on Diwali fat .

2005-10-20T05:14:00.000-07:00

So Gunjilal finally did not die .Sahara India had createdsuch a hullaboo and than all the channels joined it .It seems Gunjilal is an astrologer and he had predicted his own death Tuesday between 3and 4 pm .His wife however claimed that she would not let him die as it is Karva chauth (A Hindu festival on which Married women fast for the long life of their husbands and also to have the same husband in all seven lives .)So all the suspense was built up and there was also Satta of Re 1 as againstRs 30 .However the clock stuck 4 pm and Mr.Gunjilal is still hale and hearty .If he had died he would have become a hero and now his wife is a heroine as she saved her husband from death on this day .As it is our society is steeped in superstitions the media hype in a way encourages it .Last week a woman was stoned to death as she was believed to be a witch and possess super natural powers enough to kill a child and than she was asked to bring the child back to life .Media should educate people to become rational in thinking . I think if you believe in God and have faith that He is all powerful how could you on the other hand believe man to be powerful enough to change the will of the God.
PS .First the channels eugolised Gunjilal and now they are mocking him .

2005-10-14T06:38:00.000-07:00

On Ashtami and Navami we worship Devi the female Goddess .In north India on these two days twice a year young girls below the age of 12 are worshipped as symbolic incarnation of Devi .They are given gifts and food their feet washed and touched andare very much in demand on these two days because to treat the girls on these two days will please the Goddess .This surprises and sickens me as these are the people who literally kill the female child in the womb.The sex ratio of Delhi and north India as such shows that the number of girls is falling alarmingly .No one believes that this is a natural phenomenon .This is simply an evil use of technology .In spite of Govt. ban on this test it goes on merrily and as soon as it is known that it is a female child very convieniently it is aborted.The hypocracy of worshipping the girls on one hand and killing them on the other hand is shocking .If the female child represents Goddess than why kill her or if her birth is so undesirable why worship her ?In years to come there will be hardly any girls left to worship . May be that will ultimately be advantageous and than girl child will really be worshipped .

2005-10-07T04:12:00.000-07:00

oct.7 Fairy tales As an avid fairy tale fan I was mesmerised by Hans Anderson and Grimm .Some of the most popular ones like Cindrella .Hansel and Gretel and Snowwhite are all time favourites .They all had one thing in common, the evil presence was always a terribly cruel wicked step mother .So the children grew up with an image that step mothers are the most vicious species in the world .However it was not a threatening sceneario because fortunately very few kids have to contend with a step mother .(of course all step mothers are not vicious .I personally know one who brought up the kids with lot of love .) So there was just one relationship that was looked upon with suspicion and fear .Now thanks to the fairy tales Ekata (I am not sure about the no of A S I shd. put )Kapoor shows every one is scared .A little girl is apprehensive about her brother,s marriage because the bhabhi is ging to fight with her .The young bride has a number of worries 1 .the maa in law is going to tear her apart,2 the sis in law is going to be catty and worse her husband will surely fall into the clutches of another woman and may even have a love child tucked away .The new bride groom has all the similiar worries (though not of a harridon of a maa in law )the maa in law is traumatised because the Bahu is going to break the family .These daily soaps spread so much hatred and mistrust that I really worry about the social fabric .Especially the women characters are all wicked ,cruel scheming and malicious except perhaps Parvati and Tulsi ( they are the other extreme ).There should be a ban on such serials .Mahatma Gandhi said' See no evil ,Hear no evil and speak no evil .We watch evil .we hear evil and than ofcourse discuss the evil in great detail .Please Ms Kapoor let us revert to original fairy tales .

2005-09-30T06:09:00.000-07:00

30 sept
Parents and children
The newspapers are full of admission blues , admission of little infants into premium schools of Delhi .The parents are very tense and passing on this tension to the young kids .So much so that some children had been so pressurized that they needed Psychatric help .The parents have ambitions and want to fit the kids into a set mould .
So when today I met Mr.A after a long time I was very happy .The story goes long back 30 years to be precise .Mr.and Mrs A a young couple were expecting their first child .Those were the days when there wereno ultra sound and so they were pleasantly surprised when they were blessed with twin boys .But the joy was short lived .Both the babies were born blue and so the survival was difficut However the kids were fighters and they pulled along .But the normal mile stones were delayed and than the bewildered parents were told that the children had cereberal palsy .The babies grew up .They stuttered ,they had bow legs ,they limped but they were intelligent kids ,All through this Mr.And Mrs. A nurtured them with infinite love and care .As it is it is difficult to bring up twins and to bring up two handicapped kids .The miracle was the strength of the parents .They accepted the kids whole heartedly .There was no hiding the kids .They were sent to school ,sent to play with the other kids ,Scolded and loved as needed .Of course there were difficulties People could be cruel ,The boys were often mocked at .But the parents total acceptance of themm slowly made others also accept them .Mr.A planned carefully .With his limited savings he bought two shops for them .Now both of them are independent and self sufficient They still stutter and are very different to look but they are leading a happy life .I have no words to describe my admiration for the couple .When people are always putting pressure on their kids and making them neurotic these two accepted their special kids and made their life .There were always smiles and jokes and easy comraderie between the kids and the parents and it has paid off so well .Can there be any success sweeter than MR.and MRs.A have ?.No wonder they were glowing .Hats off to them .

2005-09-28T04:01:00.000-07:00

Joy's Musings28th sept .
A real Paheli It seems there were four movies being considered as official entry for Oscars .They were 1 Black ,2Iqbal 3 HazaroenKhawishen aisi 4 Page 3 .Paheli was not even mentioned in running .So it is a real paheli how and why it has been selected as the official entry .It is extremely culture centric and rather far fethed .I think Iqbal or Black would have done India proud .
Maybe it is being sent as it has Shahrukh Khan .This reminds me of his latest advertisement extolling the virtues of Lux.It mirrors an immense social change .Till recently women in various forms of dress and undress were used to sell the products Now the shoe is on the other foot .We have male models showingoff their brawn .It simply means that among the middle class women have the major say so they are being wooed by male beef cake .Just goes on to show there is no gender bias it is the consumer who is the king or should I say Queen .

2005-09-27T01:38:00.000-07:00

27th sept.

I recently read abook "BoonIsland "by Kenneth Roberts .It is about a ship named 'Nottingham ' which sanknear Boon Island along the sea coast of southern Maine in 1710 .It is a remarkable story of survivors .One paragraph whisch made a lot of impact on me was about how Captain Dean prays to God .All the fourteen survivors were in a very bad shape surviving on Sea weed in bitter cold without fire or clothing and yet The Captain does not ask God for any thing .He says "If God feels we should be helped,I think he ought to work it out in his own way.I don,t feel qualified to tell God what to do and how to do it " I think this is real prayer but very often we find people bring down God to our own level .I have never been able to understand how can our wishes be fulfilled if we pray in one temple rather than the other one .Are there different Gods living in different temples or church ,mosque 'Gurudwara or Synagogue ?.If we pray at any place of worship or for that matter at home will not we be praying to the same God ? I have been asked who is my favourite deity Ganesh ,Shiva ,Rama or Durga ?Are they different ?I believe there is a supreme power and by whatever name we call Him we call out to the same God .
Similarly I have never been able to figure out the reasons why some days are more auspicious than others ?The names we give to different days are not given by God We named them for our convenience Sunday is sacred for Christians ,Friday for Jews and Muslims .Hindus will not eat non veg food on tuesday .Iam all for vegetarianism (though I do relish non veg.)I believe it is best not to eat but than why only on Tuesday ?Why not on all days ?Similarly there are periods which are auspicious and in auspicious .Incidentally it is an inauspicious period running now (maybe I shdn,t have started my blog ?)This also I simply can not fathom .
I suppose it is a matter of faith and well faith is just that faith .